A marriage is a dynamic relationship. The two people who make up the marital relationship move on in their journey together through various stages of growth. And this applies for both partners individually and as a couple.
Marriage is predicated on both man and his bride maintaining their commitment and trust and putting in effort to reciprocate one another’s emotions. Healthy and well built marriages do not happen by chance, they are created by a lot of hard work.
There is no “one” in companionship, yet ironically it helps a married couple feel like one. Couples are not unlike close friends, who need to be open and transparent about their interests in life, not the least their dreams and goals.
It can be quite challenging for two married individuals to tackle certain issues if they have not established any common goals. Goals enable the couple to realize that they are not competing against each other, and help them to work together and support one another.
You should take the initiative to meet your dreams and goals seriously. Remember, cooperation is essential in a joint effort like marriage. Lose not a ray of hope if you discover that your spouse has different goals. At the end of the day, you would want both sides to derive a compromise based on each other’s needs, a compromise meant to satisfy your goals and that of your partner. It is very possible that you and your better half might have been dreaming of the same thing from day one, with the only difference being the paths you have taken to realize those dreams and goals. This difference of direction can then be dealt with as you talk.
In as much as you might not want to admit it yet, that conversation about needs and motivations might just make you discover that your dreams and goals are not as dissimilar or incongruent as you think they are. This is likely to be what drew you together in the first place. So what types of goals should you set? Goals can center on your children, the family as a whole, your individual careers, your possessions and your pastimes.
If you find yourself in such an impasse and need to understand the goals of your partner, here are some quick pointers to follow.
Know your better half. What precepts, ideals and virtues does he/she consider to be a de rigueur part of who she/is?
Bondin’ and Respondin’. Whatever that goes on within your spouse’s life, in his/her career, you know that there are dreams and goals in each aspect. You want to worry when he or she is worried, you want to celebrate when he or she is exultant, and so on and so forth.
Let your spouse have input in your life. Always let each other be part of the decision-making process. Understand his/her goals and when you do not agree at some point, at least support him or her..
Compromise. You do not want any conversation about goals to degrade into a shouting match (they often do), so if your goals do not match, make some concessions and swallow some of your excess pride. Do not let your temper nor your ego get the better of you.
Marriage need not be the proverbial battle of who could care less, an endless conundrum with no solution in sight — if you understand and appreciate each other’s dreams and goals, you could have a smooth interpersonal relationship with each other for life. And if all else fails, remember the Christian vows of matrimony — till death do us part.
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